


Throwin' Shade Like a Fig Tree

by bexacaust



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Unholy Levels Of Shade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 05:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3278102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexacaust/pseuds/bexacaust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is literally just Actual Mean Girl Kankri Vantas throwing shade so hard Meenah is unable to recover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Throwin' Shade Like a Fig Tree

Meenah was about to yank her braids off her head by force. Kankri stood in front of her, hip cocked, eyebrows arched.

"Well Meenah?", he asked, "Do you have any outrageously classist, casteist remarks to make or can we consider this discussion successfully closed?"

"Now fucking listen here you red-sweatered shit-"

"Better a red sweater than a poorly executed rap aesthetic."

"TAKE THAT THE FUCK BACK BUOY!"

"As soon as you take back the cheap costume jewelry and faux-street outfit."

Meenah choked like air was suddenly impossible as Kankri inspected his nails; filed in perfect half-moon curves to fit in with his methods of non violence. She reached out to grab the collar of his sweater and he swatted her hands away, somehow managng to look down on her even though (with the extra three inches on his heeled boots) he was still an inch or so shorter than her.

Meenah felt the eyes of the rest of their group on them, heard a few snickers. Damara was the loudest, leaning in from the sidelines with a wicked grin.

"Muthafucka I could beat ya skull in one handed fo’ shore-"

"Here’s a challenge, have you considered fighting wit with wit?… Oh, I apologize Meenah, I briefly forgot that abstract subjects such as thought and reason were beyond your grasp."

"Now listen here you redblooded waste-", Meenah’s voice was getting higher and higher in her anger, "I’m about to go all kinds of tyrian HBIC on ya ass if you don’t stob glubbin’ this rude shit-"

"Oooh, I tremble in fear of Her Imperial Thriftiness.", said Kankri with the kind of sarcasm that could burn through steel, "All those boonbucks and you still can’t afford to think."

Meenah’s face was going dark in anger.

"Oh, look, she’s upset! How adorable. Go on Princess, give me your worst; spew the most hateful sentence you can muster and I guarantee that not only will I be unphased, but will once again make you look like the brainless twit you actually are under the bad fashion decisions and terrible fishpuns."

Meenah jerked back at the last part of that sentence, “How dare-“

Kankri arched his eyebrows, “Please don’t speak, you’ll just embarrass yourself moreso than you do on a daily basis.”

"How DARE you speak to me this way I’m glubbin’ ROYALTY! Or did you miss the blood running through my veins?!"

Kankri rolled his eyes, taking one step closer so that he and Meenah were nearly nose to nose.

"Your blood makes you royal? Then I was destined to be celibate because _I don’t give a fuck_.”

The silence after that line was palpable.


End file.
